Being alone is not the same as being lonely. I have always been a firm believer of this but the distinction between the two has become even more evident in my life since I’ve been living in New Zealand, far removed from family and friends. I came across this quote in my bedtime book last night and felt it applied, “loneliness is something that exists only in the mind, not in the world, and, like a virus, is unable to survive without a willing host.” Alright, so maybe it’s a bit deep. But what I’m trying to say is that just because you’re alone, it doesn’t mean you are lonely; it’s a state of mind rather than a ‘given’ in the absence of company. The two do not go hand-in-hand. Further, you do not need another person by your side to make an experience any more special or memorable, contrary to societal beliefs. There’s a lot to be said for taking comfort in your own presence. I believe that the most important relationship you could ever invest in and foster is the relationship you have with yourself. Afterall, the way you conduct your relationship with yourself is the gateway for all of the other relationships in your life, isn’t it? Sometimes the best times are spent alone. Prime example? My trip to Queenstown last Friday with none other than myself. Allow me to explain.
Last week I made a little getaway to Wanaka, where my aunt, uncle and cousins live. It was my last hoorah before classes started. Wanaka is simply beautiful and I can’t believe that my family is lucky enough to call that town their home. It’s a perfect combination of mountains and lakes; an outdoor lover’s paradise. When I wasn’t busy turning that paradise into my playground (biking, hiking, boating, water skiing, etc.), I stepped out for the day to Queenstown, the adventure capital of the world. Queenstown is where you can find the thrillers of all thrills, and you don’t need to look very far at that. Proof? Let’s just say that my first sight as I walked through the town to the beachfront of Lake Wakatipu was of a man jumping out of a helicopter and parachuting down to a boat moving at full speed. Whatever you would call what that man was doing, combined with bungy jumping, paragliding, white water rafting and skydiving, equals Queenstown. The adventure was not limited to the town itself though, seeing as I first had to tackle the task of driving on the right side of the car/left side of the road. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, as long as I kept repeating in my head “stay to the left, stay to the left…” It did the trick and I made it there with only one honk and one middle finger sent my way. Success.
When I got to Queenstown I parked the car and then found myself with one of those “now what?” sort of moments. There I was in a town that presented adrenaline-rushing activities to its guests as if they were being served on a silver platter and yet there I sat, not sure what to do or where to start because I was…alone. Since I knew that it would not be my last time in Queenstown, I decided to curb my appetite for jumping out of or off of something really high and save it for when I return with friends. Because let’s face it, although I value the importance of time spent by yourself, some things are without a doubt much better when you’re with people you enjoy as much as the activity itself.
What I did do, however, in order to maximize my day with myself, was map out the perfect ‘Ashley Itinerary.’ This started with a hike up Queenstown Hill, formerly known as Te Tapu Nui, or ‘very sacred’ in Maori. It’s a popular climb ending in breath taking views of the town, Lake Wakatipu, and the mountains. The weather could not have been any better. The cool breeze and sunshine were in perfect equilibrium my whole merry way. When I reached the top, my feelings of amazement towards the intense beauty surrounding me were accompanied by an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness that I was taking in this sight all by myself, in perfect peace, with nobody else around me at the summit. It was such a gift.
Speaking of ‘gifts,’ when I got back down to the town, I rewarded myself with possibly the best chocolate gelato I’ve ever tasted. I can’t tell if it was naturally that delicious or if it tasted that heavenly because I went without lunch? Or maybe because I was enjoying it beachfront with my toes in the sand? I’m gonna take a gamble and go with all three. My gelato was followed by a short nap in the sun, and then topped off by great conversation with fellow travelers on the beach. All things brought immense happiness. And who knew that one could enjoy a day so much that was simply spent in the presence of their own company? In retrospect, it makes total sense. Nobody else’s schedule to adhere to or opinions to take into account? Being alone rocks.
Though it may seem like this world is designed for company, don’t be afraid to spend time alone. I think we all need to find something that is just ours sometimes. Not just to help us keep our sanity but to help keep us ‘us.’ Whether it be that run in the morning while everyone else is still asleep or driving alone with all the windows down, playing your favorite jams. Whatever makes you the happiest. Just remember to always take time for you, just like I was able to do in Queenstown last Friday. And once you embrace the solitude, what you’ll probably find is that you’ve never felt further from alone, further from lonely, closer to balance.
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