define yourself

I am many things. A daughter, a sister, a niece, a cousin, a granddaughter, a friend. All of the people who fall at the other end of these ties have been very much missed in my everyday New Zealand life. Before my trip, there were days that I borderline despised time I spent on my phone, emails were usually a nuisance, and every time I logged onto facebook I would feel slight regret, knowing that there are much better ways to make use of my time. I would much rather be making moves than making plans. I don’t mind going to what some people would deem ‘great lengths’ just to be with all my special people. It’s worth it to me.

Gears have turned slightly in response to putting something called the Pacific Ocean between me and all of my favorites. Because of this, I have embraced the advantages that technology presents like never before. Since seeing all of these special people is not really an option these days (except for my sissy in a few weeks!), technology has been the next best thing for maintaining all of my relationships, this time shame free. We do what we have to do to make ourselves happy and nothing makes me happier than my friends and family.

 I do many things. For anyone who knows me, they know that I am notorious for loading up my plate with as many activities, jobs, classes, and events as my schedule will permit. As far back as I can remember, I’ve always maintained a routine of shuffling from one extracurricular to the next (pulling a quick change in the back seat of the car from soccer shin guards to ballet tights was not out of the ordinary for me). As much as it has the ability to completely stress me out at times, I secretly love being involved; constantly growing and learning. Give me free time and I’ll love you for it. Give me too much free time, however, and I’ll throw it right back at you, quickly finding something new to fit into that empty space in my day.

Now that I’ve had about a month to settle into Dunedin and my classes here, I am finally starting to feel more myself. This past week I’ve been in search of more involvement and I was on the prowl to fulfill this yearning. So I did what I do best. I loaded up my plate, naturally. Massage classes and guitar lessons are on the menu for my time here. I figured that both classes are going to provide me with exactly what I’ve been looking for: an opportunity to learn two more skills that I’ve always admired, one for my body and one for my soul, a venue to meet new friends with similar interests, and a way to fill the void in my life that has been a consequence of my longing for more involvement. I want to establish a connection with this country in as many way as possible and I think these two classes will be a great addition to my experience.

Tuesday was my first massage class and all it took was five minutes of listening to my teacher talk about the benefits of relaxation massage to feel completely relaxed myself. It was one of those instances where you just feel like you’re in the exact spot you’re supposed to be in. When what you’re wanting and what you’re getting are in equilibrium. This is a feeling that has shadowed me the whole time I’ve been here in New Zealand, this week being the exception. I was in a total funk until I pinpointed that my desire to join an activity and make more friends was precisely what was clouding my contentment. A prime example of the ‘if it’s broke, fix it’ phenomenon.

I know many things. Especially about myself and what makes me tick. Among them are my family, friends, and the feel-good activities that make up my routine. Not so coincidentally, all three are things that I’ve been fighting to keep in check while I’ve been away. All three have the power to greatly enhance my days and to help me appreciate all that I have.

I feel many things. We all do. Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what it is that’s occupying our minds. But last night after a dose of unfair insomnia kicked in, keeping me up until the wee hour of 5:30 in the morning, this is what I was able to come up with. I guess the key is recognizing it. And then once you’ve discovered what you’re unhappy with, making the change is the easy part. When you’re feeling unsettled, define yourself. Your wants and your needs. What fuels you? Once you’ve got that down, you’ll quickly get back on track and realize that no matter where you find yourself in the world, anything you could possibly want or need is all accessible as long as you make the effort to keep it in your life.

the art of being alone

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. I have always been a firm believer of this but the distinction between the two has become even more evident in my life since I’ve been living in New Zealand, far removed from family and friends. I came across this quote in my bedtime book last night and felt it applied, “loneliness is something that exists only in the mind, not in the world, and, like a virus, is unable to survive without a willing host.” Alright, so maybe it’s a bit deep. But what I’m trying to say is that just because you’re alone, it doesn’t mean you are lonely; it’s a state of mind rather than a ‘given’ in the absence of company. The two do not go hand-in-hand. Further, you do not need another person by your side to make an experience any more special or memorable, contrary to societal beliefs. There’s a lot to be said for taking comfort in your own presence. I believe that the most important relationship you could ever invest in and foster is the relationship you have with yourself. Afterall, the way you conduct your relationship with yourself is the gateway for all of the other relationships in your life, isn’t it? Sometimes the best times are spent alone. Prime example? My trip to Queenstown last Friday with none other than myself. Allow me to explain.  

Last week I made a little getaway to Wanaka, where my aunt, uncle and cousins live. It was my last hoorah before classes started. Wanaka is simply beautiful and I can’t believe that my family is lucky enough to call that town their home. It’s a perfect combination of mountains and lakes; an outdoor lover’s paradise. When I wasn’t busy turning that paradise into my playground (biking, hiking, boating, water skiing, etc.), I stepped out for the day to Queenstown, the adventure capital of the world. Queenstown is where you can find the thrillers of all thrills, and you don’t need to look very far at that. Proof? Let’s just say that my first sight as I walked through the town to the beachfront of Lake Wakatipu was of a man jumping out of a helicopter and parachuting down to a boat moving at full speed. Whatever you would call what that man was doing, combined with bungy jumping, paragliding, white water rafting and skydiving, equals Queenstown. The adventure was not limited to the town itself though, seeing as I first had to tackle the task of driving on the right side of the car/left side of the road. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, as long as I kept repeating in my head “stay to the left, stay to the left…” It did the trick and I made it there with only one honk and one middle finger sent my way. Success.

When I got to Queenstown I parked the car and then found myself with one of those “now what?” sort of moments. There I was in a town that presented adrenaline-rushing activities to its guests as if they were being served on a silver platter and yet there I sat, not sure what to do or where to start because I was…alone. Since I knew that it would not be my last time in Queenstown, I decided to curb my appetite for jumping out of or off of something really high and save it for when I return with friends. Because let’s face it, although I value the importance of time spent by yourself, some things are without a doubt much better when you’re with people you enjoy as much as the activity itself.

What I did do, however, in order to maximize my day with myself, was map out the perfect ‘Ashley Itinerary.’  This started with a hike up Queenstown Hill, formerly known as Te Tapu Nui, or ‘very sacred’ in Maori. It’s a popular climb ending in breath taking views of the town, Lake Wakatipu, and the mountains. The weather could not have been any better. The cool breeze and sunshine were in perfect equilibrium my whole merry way. When I reached the top, my feelings of amazement towards the intense beauty surrounding me were accompanied by an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness that I was taking in this sight all by myself, in perfect peace, with nobody else around me at the summit. It was such a gift.

Speaking of ‘gifts,’ when I got back down to the town, I rewarded myself with possibly the best chocolate gelato I’ve ever tasted. I can’t tell if it was naturally that delicious or if it tasted that heavenly because I went without lunch? Or maybe because I was enjoying it beachfront with my toes in the sand? I’m gonna take a gamble and go with all three. My gelato was followed by a short nap in the sun, and then topped off by great conversation with fellow travelers on the beach. All things brought immense happiness. And who knew that one could enjoy a day so much that was simply spent in the presence of their own company? In retrospect, it makes total sense. Nobody else’s schedule to adhere to or opinions to take into account? Being alone rocks.

Though it may seem like this world is designed for company, don’t be afraid to spend time alone. I think we all need to find something that is just ours sometimes. Not just to help us keep our sanity but to help keep us ‘us.’ Whether it be that run in the morning while everyone else is still asleep or driving alone with all the windows down, playing your favorite jams. Whatever makes you the happiest. Just remember to always take time for you, just like I was able to do in Queenstown last Friday. And once you embrace the solitude, what you’ll probably find is that you’ve never felt further from alone, further from lonely, closer to balance.